This morning as I looked out my office window to admire the overcast sky, I found my neighbor, the neighbor, in which I asked two years ago, to please put his rottweiler on a leash. I felt very uncomfortable doing so because I love both dogs and peace, but I mustered up the courage and asked him anyway.

Let me just quickly summarize – it didn’t go well.

The neighbor adamantly declared that his dog was well-trained and obeyed commands and didn’t need a leash. Then to prove just how obedient his dog was, he called the dog, and his dog was all like,


(photo from Google)

“Huh, dude?” and ran away from his owner.

Can ya stand it?

Back to today…

One hour after the rottweiler freely frollicked in the grass near my home, I drove away with my apprehensive kindergartener and eager second grader to meet their new school teachers. Seconds into the drive, I noticed that my sexy minivan had a wobble to it. Just to clear the air, the wobble was not due to my champion eating session(s) at Stacey’s wedding weekend…okay? The wobble was a flat tire.

Since the Finkster was working from home, the boys and I did the car/car seat exchange fire drill and made it to school on time…YES! Go team Fink! only to be parked right behind a familiar man. The man, that made the way low offer on our home.

Am I on Punk’d? Is Aston Kutcher going to jump out from behind a bush and say, “Slam…you’re so punked?”

Nope, no Aston.  With rolled eyes, I just had to laugh.  “You can be bitter or better…but ya can’t be both” is a phrase that Joyce Meyer often says. And I realized that I have choices, many choices, all throughout the day, particularly this day.

As we walked past his abandoned car, I noticed that he left his side door open.

Yes, I closed it…and laughed again.

There are endless opportunities to be bitter or better. I actually told my dolphin watching girlfriend, Leslie K, yesterday that, “I feel like the enemy planted idiot bulbs this past spring and that the idiots are in full bloom this summer.”

Sorry if the word “idiot” sounds a tad harsh…it’s actually a whole lot better than what I would have spoken fifteen years ago…where my language mirrored more of a Jersey Shore cast member. I may still be on the spazznastics mat, but my word choices…well, there’s some progress on that front.

All this to write, what’s inside, eventually comes out. When life throws ya a couple of lemons, don’t just take the bitter juice for what it is, make the better lemonade!

Where’s an area that you debating with yourself about being bitter or better?

Do you have a friend that’s getting on your last nerve?

Or a family member?

How about a neighbor?

Your hubby?

Kids?

Someone at your church?

A customer service representative?

Someone at school?

Since I can check off a few of the above, it appears that it’s time, again, for me to step it up. My love walk that is…

My very first spiritual mentor, Victoria, encouraged me with this step on how to step up my love walk and I’d like to share it with you. Since 1 John 4:8 tells us that God is love…and I desperately want to be more God-like in my love walk. Victoria said to substitute my name in for “love” in the big love chapter, 1 Corinthians 13:4-6 (NIV), and speak it out.

So I did it again this morning.

Steph is patient, Steph is kind. Steph does not envy, Steph does not boast, Steph is not proud. Steph is not rude, Steph is not self-seeking, Steph is not easily angered, Steph keeps no record of wrongs. Steph does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Steph always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

The Holy Spirit showed me two specific people where I’ve not been patient, kind, and where I’ve been very easily angered.

Blech.

One I will share a home with for my entire life, the Finkster. If there’s one person in the entire world that I want to be found patient, kind and slow to anger…it’s my other half.

The other person, I need to deal with until our new home is finished being built. I have allowed my low tolerance for double talk, non-sense, and lack of progress/professionalism to justify my verbal butt kicking (okay, kickingS as there were three heated conversations). I highly doubt this dude knows Jesus, and the kicker is, I doubt that he’d want to know Him any better by me being in his life.

That’s not love.

The power of my love walk can make a difference, either for good or bad, and today I chose to speak it out to step it up.

Seeing my friend of 16 years get married to Mr. Right this weekend: A+++

Having a wonderful weekend away with my honey, while the offspring get spoiled by the King and Queen of Yes: A+++

Losing our camera one week before Stacey and Mick’s wedding: F

Having you pick my bridesmaid dress for the big day: A

Borrowing ear bling from Sarah to override my fashionista deficiency (and to save some moolah): A

Taking two pictures with my the camera on my phone: C to find that both pics are cloudy: D and my eyes were closed: F

Waking up Monday morning from A+++ weekend, stepping on Lucy realizing that I gained two pounds from the A+++ weekend: D. Realizing that it was worth it and that it wasn’t more…cause I ate like a queen: B+

This whole report card grading isn’t exactly what I do in my daily life, or is it? When I sat down to think and pray about it, I realized just how shewed my grading scale is. I’ll give you a couple of examples.

Taking the boys to a play date at the pool, good Mom report card: A

Going grocery shopping and buying fruits and veggies: A+ and Dove chocolates: D of which I shared one with the female shopping cart collector, and we compared our quotes and the chocolate melted in our mouths: B

After packing my groceries into my sexy minivan today, I scanned my receipt to applaud myself for spending $66.48 and “saving” (is it really saving if you’re spending money?) $28.81 . Today I told myself: B+ but have formerly graded myself an F when I’ve forgotten my coupons at home.

Then I come home to put away the bargain groceries and vacuumed my entire home: A but I didn’t get the non-carpeted floors: B or the stairs: C

I checked on my friend that works at Discovery Headquarters (thank God she’s not in the buliding!) scheduled a home repair and talked to a friend while making dinner. Triple tasking…that’s gotta get the A, right? Well I burned the dinner: C-, yelled at my kids for interrupting the phone conversation: D- and am still not showered…it’s 5pm people: F.

Then Scrabble with my kiddos: B+

I’m someone who struggles with a performance based acceptance of self. I am growing more and more grateful for this never-ending, difficult-to-capture, grace gift that God offers me every day. Not just on the days when I think I’m “making the grades”.

God loves you and me as we are, not by how many ministries we build, or how many coupons we clip, or how many people like us, or how many blog posts we publish, or how many times we’re class mother or how many good deeds we do.

God just loves me for being me. God just loves you for being you. He says so, “I have loved you with an everlasting love…” (Jeremiah 31:3) There’s no perfect performance to dazzle God with. He just plain ol’ loves you. It’s time again, that I put away my self-grading report card and accept God’s full love, grace, today.

Do you struggle with a performance based grading scale too? What areas to you seem to grade the most?