I am a big fan of chocolate…all kinds, textures, varieties, shapes and sizes. Chocolate is something I truly enjoy in a balanced way. I do not eat chocolate, all day, every day. If I did, I would no longer enjoy it. It would actually make me sick!
I consider my two sons as sweet and delicious as chocolate. But, if I live out of balance, and spend all day, every day with them, I find I don’t enjoy them. I get grumpy and talk more sharply. Then, as a “reward” for my overindulgence, I feel guilty that I am not acting like the Mom God designed me to be. God has repeatedly reminded me that balance needs to occur in all areas of my life. I need to put the me, back in Mom-me!
“Love others as much as you love yourself.” Matthew 22:39b (Contemporary English Version) If we do not love ourselves, in a balanced way, then we truly cannot love others. This verse, which is also known as the second commandment, is clear. God told us to love others as much as we love ourselves. If we love our children so much that we do not make time for ourselves, then we are not following God’s way. Figuring out what balance “looks like” is challenging. Children require endless time and energy. Tonight is a perfect example of this. As I write, my four-year-old son visits me for the sixth time. I recognize this as the bedtime stall tactic. Then the phone rings (again).
Does this scenario “ring” a familiar bell? God has revealed to me that some things are in my control and some things are not. When I have control, I need to take it to have a more balanced life! I realize my four-year-old son is going through a phase, which I cannot control. I can help guide him, but I can not control it. He will eventually grow out of it. The phone, on the other hand, is something that I can control. I decided that there is a lot more of me when I let the answering machine take a message. I have literally freed up so much time by not answering the phone every time it rings. God has opened my eyes to the truth that I need to take care of myself to be a more balanced and loving Mom. When I chose to change the pattern and take some down time for me, I found I have become much more joyful!
If you love your kids (and I know you do!), make you a priority! And do not feel guilty about putting you back on the priority list! It has been a long time coming, so why not now? Stop saying it is selfish. It is not. It is teaching your children and those around you that you respect and love yourself enough to care for yourself. You are providing a living example to teach your kids to take care of themselves and to leave them happier memories of a peaceful Mom! Taking balanced care of yourself will make you a more joyful woman!
“Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise…” Ephesians 5:15 (New International Version) Paul is telling us in this scripture to live wisely and be careful to make balanced choices. How do you get me back in Mom-me? Pray about it. Ask God to show you how to live a balanced, loving, wise life. Here are a few ideas on how to reintroduce “me” back into Mom-me. Ask God to reveal where the best starting point would be. Then make a plan.
“Careful planning puts you ahead in the long run; hurry and scurry puts you further behind.” Proverbs 21:5 (The Message)
• Swap your kids with a trusted friend and do not do something on your “to do list.” Take yourself out to lunch, go for a run, or go buy that new tube of lipstick!
• Pay a babysitter and go for a walk, or take a book to a park and enjoy reading while sitting in the sun!
• Swap kids one night a month with a husband/friend, tuck the kids in bed and go out to a movie! (Remove slippers and no sweatpants!)
• Swap with your spouse for a Saturday morning sleep-in!
• Carpool. When it is not your turn, treat yourself to something that will pamper you and last! Maybe a pedicure?
• Check your local community center. Most offer a variety of programs at a low cost and with a short-term commitment. Once you get something paid for and on the calendar, you are more likely to attend it!
• Check your local library. Many have book and gardening clubs. Most have free events with special speakers on politics, events and topics. This is a great way to refresh your mind without hurting the family budget!
Dave, my husband, and I have been very supportive of each other in this area. Whenever possible, Saturday is my day to sleep in, and Sunday is his day since we go to the late church service. Whenever possible, we give each other one night “off” a week. His is on Monday nights; he is a volunteer firefighter (I’m thankful – no Monday night football for me!). My free night varies each week around the family schedule, but it does happen! Just this past month, I was able to do four different things and the variety is just what I crave!
Let us be Moms who are balanced, loving and wise day by day and step by step. Make the choice to honor God by putting the me back in Mom-me!
