ENCOURAGED IN HEART

My weekly Sunday morning weigh in revealed a one pound-to-the-ounce loss! For the past month, God helped me lose a collective three pounds and three ounces!  I celebrated with an $18.50 bottle of Bath & Body Works Brown Sugar and Fig Eau de Toilette purchase and if I don’t say so myself…I smell F-I-N-E today!

The weekly nugget God revealed to me is not a new one, but as God continues to gently and patiently parent me, I finally “got it” this time…it is, with God ALL things are possible!

These thoughts came together as I was working out on our ten year anniversary elliptical that is strategically located in our guest room.  Beating the crowing rooster (yeah, like that happens in a Washington, D.C suburbia but you catch my drift…it was early!), this 30-something was warming up her drowsy body as my five year old, Jake, sleepily wandered in and plopped his groggy body on the guest room bed.

His inquisitive eyes were inspecting the spectacle in front of him. As I warmed my legs up in the routine hamster on the wheel circular motion, I twisted my center core to stretch my arms and stomach muscles.  With utter amazement, Jake spouted out, “How’d you do that Momma? Can you do apple jacks (aka: jumping jacks) on the elliptical too?”

We just covered the whole simultaneous pat your head while rubbing your belly phenomenon last week, so I’m certain to Jake, my physical contortions were quite impressive and I’ll take the “drops of props” wherever this Jersey girl can get them! I graciously thanked Jake and continued my circular strides.

“No babe, I’m not going to do jumping jacks on the elliptical, it’s just not possible for Mommy to do that safely.”  Jake looked a little disappointed but took it in. My mind quickly drifted in the normal stream of consciousness that makes my husbands’ face go “tilt” when I verbalize my endless thoughts to him!

Five years ago, I thought where I am standing today was impossible.   I did not think I could return to my wedding weight.  I reflected to my vast past “impossible” statements that sounded persuasively believable and weighed them against the truth:

Impossible LIE:  “I’ll never be able to get back to my wedding weight because after my thyroid surgery, I have thyroid problems and my metabolism is screwed up.”

Possible TRUTH:  Not only am I at my wedding weight, I am also off my (doctor monitored) thyroid medicine!

Impossible LIE:  “It’s impossible to have a regular exercise schedule because my life is just too busy, I’ll just suffer and try to eat less.”

Possible TRUTH: I have time for the things that I deem important.  I didn’t formerly deem exercise important enough to schedule it.  Movement equals exercise.  I take a walk around the block with my kids, I am exercising while connecting with my kids, hubby, walking partner or God.  I do and will eat less because I am listening to my body and understand the difference between emotional and physical hunger.

Impossible LIE:  “I’m never going to get to my goal weight, it’s taking soooooooooo long, so it’s just an unreasonable goal.  I’m just gonna be content with where I’m at.”

Possible TRUTH:  I am content with where I am at and at the same time I know in my spirit I am not where God wants me to be.  I will continue to press on because with God on my side, I will get there.  (P.S. – Nine pounds to go!)

I wondered where was my disconnect between the lie and truth? The answer – my faith deficiency in the true source, God.  I had faith in “me” (my strength, my abilities) and that is why I failed and back slid.  When I have faith in God to do a work in me, I have experienced sweet, slow and deliberate success.  The center has to be God!

I am encouraged to read in Matthew 17:20-21, He replied, “Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” (New International Version)

The bottom line is that I didn’t believe God could move this formerly obese “mountain”.  He has changed me.  You know what – He can, He did and He will continue to do so because He who is faithful to do a good work in me will be faithful to complete it.  It’s all about Him, not me!

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. Ephesians 3:20-21 (Message)

He works with me. How great is our God?

My doing an “apple jack” on the elliptical does seems impossible.  If the Lord wants me to do it, I have faith I will (I promise I’ll post an immediate blog to notify you!).  Retuning to my wedding weight seemed impossible.  I’m sure there were some people that thought a large Red Sea splitting down the middle seemed pretty impossible too!

What will you choose to speak possible, that was once formerly labeled impossible?

My weekly Sunday morning weigh in revealed a seven ounce lose!  YIPEEE!!!!  This whole weekly blog-like-accountability is kinda scary but also freeing – similar to the scary freedom of an upside down roller coaster ride.

Who am I kidding? I am way too much of a Type A control freak to enjoy any version of a roller coaster ride but I like the idea of the illustration anyway! For a woman who used to carry a hand gun and handcuff criminals, my idea of living “on the edge” these days is putting my two year old to nap sans pull-up! Anyhoo, I digress…

The weekly nugget God revealed to me is this – God gave me food to nourish and delight me. Since I’ve made a vocation out of being “delighted” (enter chocolate!), it is time to disciple myself to be “nourished” (enter fruits and veggies).

I am in pursuit of being a mindful eater – being fully aware and in the moment of what is going in my mouth not chucking food down to get on to the next “thing”.  I am no longer using that excuse to keep me in bondage to food.  There is no freedom when I am in bondage.  God is transforming me to not eat a meal till I breathe and know what is going in!

God taught me what an “upside down kinda freedom,” looks like through my ever-entertaining two year old, Cal.  Cal sat at the table and ate his buttered toast (composed of whole wheat, eight grams of fiber, no artificial colors or flavors, and incorporated real fruit and yogurt…phew!  I delight that I’ve multitasked before my coffee cup is emptied!).

Nonchalantly, Cal turned his toast upside down to taste the butter first!  What freedom (and hilarity!)!

I laughed and remembered when those “diva” carbohydrates – (always in the media, stealing the spotlight and talk show time) never visited my mouth.  They were not permitted on the “diet” I was on.   How I missed and longed for their crunch!

I experienced freedom as they have a place back in my life!  I will enjoy their diva-lious crunch, in moderation, because God has changed me to be a mindful eater.  Everything is permitted.  I just have to be mindful of the portion and frequency!

So, this diva proudly raised her one toasted multitasking carbohydrate and delighted in the freedom of it – in an upside down kind of way – butter first!

Toast, bread, carbohydrates, cookies are not evil – my abuse of them have been!

In Luke 13:12-13 (Message) Jesus told the healed woman, who was set free from being hunched over with infirmity, “Woman, you’re free!”

God told this woman, who formerly was hunched over the bread basket, drooling, unfulfilled and abstained from my “forbidden fruit” (carbohydrates), “Woman, you’re free!”  I can eat all things, (even bread and chocolate!), in moderation and still glorify God!

What are you experiencing in an upside down kind of freedom about?

We almost never have ice cream in our home, except for special occasions.  This occasion was a special house guests.  We had Turkey Hill Moose Tracks (Light, as if that matters – if you eat half the carton!) ice cream in the freezer.  I was experiencing a rather crazy and highly emotional week.  I opened the ice cream and sought refuge in this sweet treat.

I opened the half gallon tub and panned this treasure box to find the chocolate nuggets.  I like to dig the nuggets out and eat them. I leave my hubby and kids with basically, vanilla ice cream.  In the middle of this expedition, I experienced God speak into my heart, “if you would dig into my Word as diligently and eagerly as you’re digging into the tub of ice cream, you’d be doing a lot better right now.”  Ouch.  The truth hurts.  Of course, God was right.

I was choosing food, not God, for my comfort.  There is nothing wrong with ice cream (in moderation), but I was choosing to use it to comfort me.  I dug into my Bible and found some delicious nuggets for my spirit and emotions.

“Dear friend, listen well to my words; tune your ears to my voice. Keep my message in plain view at all times. Concentrate! Learn it by heart!  Those who discover these words live really live; body and soul, they’re bursting with health.” Proverbs 4:20-22 (MSG)

I knew if I continued this pattern of overeating, I would be bursting something (like the button on my pants), but not with good health. As I searched this time tested treasure book and prayed, God led me to a powerful inspection as to why I kept turning to food for comfort.  My mother died twenty years ago.  For the past twenty years, I had been using food to comfort me to avoid dealing with my tremendous loss.  Her presence is continuously missed not just on the big events like high school proms, college graduation, or my wedding, but particularly now that I’m wife, raising kids and growing in my faith.

God was so gentle, yet direct, in delivering His Insight.  It was twenty years ago I learned how to improperly use food to sedate my emotions.  Instead of experiencing emotions, I chose to deny them by distracting myself with a high calorie treat.

I was comforted by God word, “That’s right—if you make Insight your priority, and won’t take no for an answer, Searching for it like a prospector panning for gold, like an adventurer on a treasure hunt, Believe me, before you know it Fear-of-God will be yours; you’ll have come upon the Knowledge of God.” Proverbs 2:1-5 (MSG)

I have cried more this past year over Mom’s death than any of the past twenty years combined.  I am happy because I know my Mom is in heaven. She believed in Jesus too.  One of my most precious possessions is Her Bible, which has notes written all over it – just like mine.  I find comfort in our faith bond. God’s comfort has brought me into acceptance and peace.

I am keenly aware now that instead of my panning an ice cream carton, I need to stay committed to pan my Treasure Book and its Author, for that is where the real nuggets are.  It was God’s comforting, calorie-free, loving words that satisfied my true hunger.  It was a spiritual hunger, not physical.  His words continually comfort me back into emotional stability.

So I did find a valuable treasure on my biblical exploration.  I am blessed to find wisdom and gain understanding. They both have more value than gold or silver or even chocolaty chunks dug from a certain Turkey Hill ice cream carton.

“Your instructions are more valuable to me than millions in gold and silver.”  Psalm 1119:72 (NLT)