We almost never have ice cream in our home, except for special occasions. This occasion was a special house guests. We had Turkey Hill Moose Tracks (Light, as if that matters – if you eat half the carton!) ice cream in the freezer. I was experiencing a rather crazy and highly emotional week. I opened the ice cream and sought refuge in this sweet treat.
I opened the half gallon tub and panned this treasure box to find the chocolate nuggets. I like to dig the nuggets out and eat them. I leave my hubby and kids with basically, vanilla ice cream. In the middle of this expedition, I experienced God speak into my heart, “if you would dig into my Word as diligently and eagerly as you’re digging into the tub of ice cream, you’d be doing a lot better right now.” Ouch. The truth hurts. Of course, God was right.
I was choosing food, not God, for my comfort. There is nothing wrong with ice cream (in moderation), but I was choosing to use it to comfort me. I dug into my Bible and found some delicious nuggets for my spirit and emotions.
“Dear friend, listen well to my words; tune your ears to my voice. Keep my message in plain view at all times. Concentrate! Learn it by heart! Those who discover these words live really live; body and soul, they’re bursting with health.” Proverbs 4:20-22 (MSG)
I knew if I continued this pattern of overeating, I would be bursting something (like the button on my pants), but not with good health. As I searched this time tested treasure book and prayed, God led me to a powerful inspection as to why I kept turning to food for comfort. My mother died twenty years ago. For the past twenty years, I had been using food to comfort me to avoid dealing with my tremendous loss. Her presence is continuously missed not just on the big events like high school proms, college graduation, or my wedding, but particularly now that I’m wife, raising kids and growing in my faith.
God was so gentle, yet direct, in delivering His Insight. It was twenty years ago I learned how to improperly use food to sedate my emotions. Instead of experiencing emotions, I chose to deny them by distracting myself with a high calorie treat.
I was comforted by God word, “That’s right—if you make Insight your priority, and won’t take no for an answer, Searching for it like a prospector panning for gold, like an adventurer on a treasure hunt, Believe me, before you know it Fear-of-God will be yours; you’ll have come upon the Knowledge of God.” Proverbs 2:1-5 (MSG)
I have cried more this past year over Mom’s death than any of the past twenty years combined. I am happy because I know my Mom is in heaven. She believed in Jesus too. One of my most precious possessions is Her Bible, which has notes written all over it – just like mine. I find comfort in our faith bond. God’s comfort has brought me into acceptance and peace.
I am keenly aware now that instead of my panning an ice cream carton, I need to stay committed to pan my Treasure Book and its Author, for that is where the real nuggets are. It was God’s comforting, calorie-free, loving words that satisfied my true hunger. It was a spiritual hunger, not physical. His words continually comfort me back into emotional stability.
So I did find a valuable treasure on my biblical exploration. I am blessed to find wisdom and gain understanding. They both have more value than gold or silver or even chocolaty chunks dug from a certain Turkey Hill ice cream carton.
“Your instructions are more valuable to me than millions in gold and silver.” Psalm 1119:72 (NLT)
Reading this entry opened my eyes to see that I was covering up, delaying, pushing down hurt over a dad who was not emotionally there for me (or physically). This has had far reaching effects–Today in church as I saw a Dad hugging a child I yearned for that, thought, did I receive hugs, was I held, was I told I love you or ??, because if I did, I do not remember. Well, now when I think of eating I will remember that embrace and think that is what Abba Father is doing now in my grief over the loss of the relationship that didn’t get to be what it could have been in God. Thank you because the scriptures and your practical application (the nuggets in the ice cream–been there!) have a whole new meaning. Personal meaning. God bless you!
He REALLY is!!!
Thanks for the blog-like hug!
Blessings,
steph
I love digging in the Word for treasures. I think it is awesome that you are finding the wound behind the symptom and letting God fill it with Himself.
He truly is the God of all comfort, isn’t He?
Blessings,
Julie
Thank you Celly for visiting my blog and your comments! It really encourages me to know I’m not alone in this journey to put food in its’ proper place (that is, BELOW God!)!
Blessings and thanks!
steph
Heartfelt thanks for the encouragement and sisterhood in cheering Heather! The more I’m trusting God with my emotional weight; the more physical weight He’s carrying for me – 60lbs down – 10 to go!
God bless you for blessing me!
steph
Thanks for your comment and honesty Sherry. I said a tearful prayer for you Sherry, that God would comfort you in a powerful way during this season of grief. I pray you don’t do like I did, and ignore the pain for 20 years, and that each step of the way you keep turning your heart and eyes back to Him. A mother is a powerful force in children’s lives and their absence is missed – whether good or bad.
You know, God revealed to me – that I needed to grieve the lost relationship with my Mom – she died when I was a very self-centered 13 year old. I hate to admit that I carried guilt for so long because I didn’t realize what I had – precious moments left with Mom. I could have cherished each moment, but instead I chose anger and cherished just a few. I carried that suitcase of guilt for 20 years – the emotional weight translated to physical weight. As I’ve grieved and accepted – emotion and physical weight is coming off!
Maybe, not pushing this on you – God wants you to grieve the lost relationship with your Mom also? I see some of my girlfriends that have strained (at best) relationships with their mothers, but when they are still alive, I guess there’s still some hope of reconciliation – if that makes sense?
Blessings and love,
steph
Keep on digging for those nuggets (not the chocolaty peanut butter ones!) – God is so faithful in reminding us to turn to Him.
What a great insight, Stephanie. Thanks for sharing this! My mom died 3 years ago. We did not have a very close relationship over the years but I’ve been surprised at the depth of grief. I will have to pray and think about the impact this has had on my own eating issues!
Steph, oh my goodness, I can’t believe I came across your article. I hope you will remember me, you were my fashion guru at She Speaks. I have a great picture of us. I’d like to email it to you but I need your email address. I never even got your contact info at She Speaks. I’ve gone through and written down all of the posts from the P31 contest and am reading through them this weekend. Yours was #3 on my list and is awesome. I’m a nugget kind of girl myself! I’d love to get in touch. You can email me at wrinkledshirts@yahoo.com and my blog is http://www.wrinkledshirts.blogspot.com
I, too, struggle with relying on food for comfort rather than God’s comfort. Thanks for reminding us of this pertinent scripture.