ENCOURAGED IN HEART

y weekly weigh-in revealed a six ounce gain.  While I’m not thrilled with the gain, I am thrilled that, for the first time that I am aware of, I made a batch of brownies without a sample or lick of the spoon!  Small steps to celebrate!

The weekly nugget God revealed to me is, the need for me to take the good with the bad.

Take the good with the bad.

I have realized I have had unrealistic expectations of myself and others.  Basically, my expectations have been too high and not realistic.  I’ve written about expectation management the past few weeks.  I naively thought I should accept only the good with the good.  I also naively thought it would take just a couple of months to lose 70 pounds. But that is distortional thinking.  As a believer in Christ, I believe good things will happen to me.  However, when bad things come, as they do in life, I need to not act like God’s aborted His Plan for me.  I need to keep pressing and perservere.

God illustrated his nugget through a new hobby my sons and I have picked up…bird feeding and watching. We have two bird feeders.  The hummingbird feeder is located on our second level deck.  We enjoy the hummingbirds as they drink in the sweet sugar water and fly away.

Off our first level, we keep another bird feeder where we observe grackles, cardinals, sparrows, red winged black birds, humming birds and a few other we’ve not yet identified in our bird book.

A couple weeks ago, we even had a turkey vulture on our neighbor’s roof (that was a little creepy!)!

Daily, we enjoy our feathered friends, their different colors, personalities and habits.  But upon examination of our back fence, again I realized my need to take the good with the bad.

We enjoy the birds beauty! I do not enjoy the periodical fence wash-downs from the “forget me not” packages that our winged friends leave!  And so I need to take the good with the bad…

Similarly, with my weight loss journey, I need to take the good (weeks of weight loss) and the bad (weight gain or plateaus).  The good and the bad all equate to something called life!

I also see the need to take the good with the bad in all areas of my life to include: my marriage, relationships, family, church, neighbors, work and with myself.  The bad days have helped me define what a good day looks like.
And so I need to take the good with the bad, because the ups and downs are all part of the journey and life.

Are you taking the good with the bad?

My weekly weigh-in revealed a five ounce loss; THREE POUNDS TO GO until I reach my goal of 70 pounds gone!

The most pressing weekly nugget God laid on my heart is, BE MORE CONCERNED WITH BEING HUMBLE THAN BEING RIGHT.

This message God laid on my heart months ago and it pertained to my relationship with my cute, fire stomping hubby.  That fire’s out but God revealed a new fire that required fire fighter services.  It was the fire in my heart due to anger and unforgiveness.

What does unforgiveness have to do with my weight loss journey? Everything!

I am being set free from being an emotional eater and people pleasing.  I was a “stuffer”.  The more I stuffed, the hotter and angrier my heart became and the more physical weight I carried. I took the Christian message of, “turn the other cheek” (Luke 6:29) to a sinful extreme.  I turned the other cheek, in false humility, and used it as an excuse to hide the real me.  I felt alone and burned with anger.  My fire fighter husband continues to educate me on fire safety with remarks like, “That candles too close to…(the curtain, the shelf, the combustible can of…).  I know if I am physically on fire, I should stop, drop and roll.  Since my heart was on fire, I had to stop (tantrums), drop to my knees to hear God speak (in prayer) and then roll (take action).

God continues to teach me what a balanced “turn the other cheek type of forgiveness” means.  I am feeling freer and lighter!

… set free from the stifling atmosphere of pleasing others and fitting into the little patterns that they dictate. Can’t you see the central issue in all this? It is not what you and I do—It is what God is doing, and he is creating something totally new, a free life! Galatians 6:14-16  (MSG – Paraphrased)

God has to do something new, because the old way just didn’t work.  I used to wonder, “Why did I just spout off in anger like that?” and usually at the most unsuspecting times?

The people I get the most worked up about (okay…spastic – like one of those yipper dogs that endlessly yip while staring you down, completely unaware of their puny size) are the people I have not forgiven.

One night last week, I spewed fire out.  Dave donned his invisible firefighting gear and courageously listened.

He offered these wise words (which initially ticked me off even more!), “Honey, are you going to be able to forgive this person on your own, or do you need to go to them and ask them for an apology?” Instantaneously, this yipper got a stompin’ on and my pathetic puny-ness was revealed.  God gave me three specific examples of people I had chosen not to forgive.  There is more than one way to forgive and put a fire out.  Similarly, there is more than one way to forgive.  When there’s a fire, what should I do?

STOP, DROP and ROLL.

STOP – The first person is completely clueless of her offense.  Expectation management says, “Give her a break, she’s a baby Christian.  Babies only think about themselves. When they grow up, that’s when they’ll realize there are others out there to think about!” Turn the other cheek, forgive and press on.  God’s message, “STOP it Steph.”

DROP – The second person asked me for forgiveness.  I said yes, but my actions are speaking, “You are gonna pay for this one for some time.”  Love… keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 (NIV) God’s message, “DROP it Steph.”

ROLL – The third person, I went to and confronted (girl, were my palms and pits ever dripping the sweat down!).  I apologized first because God told me, BE MORE CONCERNED WITH BEING HUMBLE THAN BEING RIGHT.  The person blew it off as “no big deal” (well, to them, it wasn’t!).  And God had me do expectation management there.  That’s just not someone I can go deeper with.  And that is a real blessing because there’s no confusion of expectations anymore! God’s message, “ROLL with it Steph.”

Literally, my brain goes into “fire checklist mode” because I want to develop this new habit of quick forgiveness so well, that it become like breathing.  I’m so not there yet! The “Lord’s Prayer” does ignite the persuasive proof to why I need keep my fire extinguisher close by,

Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. Matthew 6:12 (NIV)

The measure I forgive will be proportionately returned to me.  Clearly, I have my work cut out.  I sure like the feeling of being forgiven, particularly when it’s never brought back up again (ouch!)!

I want to be a powerful, spiritually “on-fire” Christian…not a Christian that spews fire and burns people down.  If I stuff the water words down, no fire gets put out.  If I blow them out of my mouth like a fire breathing dragon, damage will occur.  I need balance.  I desperately need God to teach me balance much like we’ve taught our sons how to balance and walk.  There were many falls to the ground that were followed by many willful choices to get back up again.

After I stop, drop and roll, I need to make the willful choice to get back up again.

Is there the fire of anger and unforgiveness in your heart? Will you choose to turn to God for strength to stop, drop and roll, and then make the willful choice to get back up again?

My weekly weigh-in revealed a two ounce loss.  La-dee-dah, right?!?! I stepped off Lucy, happy that there are two drops less of me to love.  I’m going to keep trucking on…no matter how fast or how slow…(and I happen to be in a slow phase!)

The nugget God revealed this week is – TO KNOW WHO TO TURN TO.

If you want your computer fixed…KNOW WHO TO TURN TO.  I’m telling you right now…don’t call me. I can’t help.  Not at all.  In fact, I’ll just break your computer more!  The way I “fix” things is by shaking or hitting the broken object.  I’m just that ghetto. That will not help your situation, computer or walls that surround your computer!

Okay, if you want me to listen about how you’re annoyed that your computer is broken, I can help there! Then we’ll pray for SOMEONE, ANYONE (but me) to be identified to fix your computer!

KNOW WHO TO TURN TO.

So, in my emotional and spiritual life, I need to know who or where to turn to help “fix” in times of need.  This message is so frustratingly simple…KNOW WHO TO TURN TO. Why on earth have I complicated it? God revealed I needed to do some serious personal “expectation management”.

God illustrated this idea months ago.  He personalized it by using a cake analogy. (With cake, God knew full well, this well-conditioned Pavlov’s dog is at full attention! )

If I was in the process of making a cake and I realized I didn’t have the required egg to complete the batter, what would I do? Well, I’d go to my neighbor and ask her for an egg.  If my neighbor didn’t have an egg, then, what would I do?  Would I tantrum and demand her to somehow squat and materialize an egg? ZOINKERS, (thanks for the word, Shannon!)  I sure hope not!

Yet the reality is, I have done just that.  Sadly, in my emotional life, I have demanded “eggs” from people that, quite honestly, just don’t have “the eggs” yet, or maybe they aren’t intended to possess!

For example, my father is awesome! He was at every field hockey, basketball, and softball game of my youth and at each ceremony or graduation possible!  Many times, he was one of the few parents who pledged continued support.  He was continually recognized at my end of season award banquets because his support meant a lot to not only me, but my team! I knew I could depend on him for that.  He had the “egg” of presence and, because of that,  I felt very important and special.

However, my father does not have the “egg” of emotional support. He’s not someone I can explore my many complex emotions with.  It’s not that he doesn’t love me, he does very much. I just needed to do an expectation management and realize that it is an “egg” that he just does not possess.  I used to frustrate myself over this. I would internally tantrum.  It got me tired, exhausted and absolutely NO WHERE.

Similarly, as I grow in my spiritual maturity, I have done the same to others. Whether church leaders, fellow neighbors or friends I have selfishly demanded “eggs” that they, at the time, did not possess.

KNOW WHO TO TURN TO. No one is perfect.  Expectation management is required.

If I need help with boundaries, I don’t need to turn to my friend who “anything goes” or “flies by the seat of her pants”…I need to turn to my friend that has had victory in discipline.  If I need help with extending mercy, I don’ t need to turn to my friend that’s gifted in exceptionally strong boundaries!

If you want spontaneity, don’t call me. I do not have that “egg”!  I think of my fun and spontaneous friend. I enjoy her so much more now. After my much needed managed expectations, God revealed He made her not like me…and that is a very good thing! She infuses my life with needed fresh air!  It used to frustrate the booger out of me because she didn’t have the “planner” egg that I possess. Now, I love her because she’s opened my eyes to the fun and spontaneity of unplanned life!

(Question: If I plan to be spontaneous, does that count for spontaneity? Oh, never mind…)

If you want help in a short and/or long range goal for your life, call me, I have that “egg”!

So the bottom line is this, if you want to eat cake, know where to get your eggs. No wait a minute…no, that’s not it!

KNOW WHO TO TURN TO.

Ultimately, I need to first turn to God.  Whether prayer or journaling, I sense His stabilizing peace as I communicate with The Source first.  Then, God might have me call someone for help or a listening ear.  God continues to nurture my emotional and spiritual life.  As He opens my eyes to do proper expectation management, I am slowly losing the physical burden of weight I carried.

Instead of saying, “What’s wrong with me, why won’t that person help me?”, grace and expectation management say, “That person might not yet have the egg yet.”  Am I looking at the right source to help “fix” my problem or am I adding more frustration to my problem?

When stuck in the midst of uncertainty, I draw great strength from David’s example in Psalms.  He stopped, looked up and asked the same question, “Where does my help come from?”  In the very next breath, he answered it with great confidence.

I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
Psalm 121:1-4 (New International Version)

Do you know Who to turn to when you need help?