ENCOURAGED IN HEART

Do you know if you’re an “in-ie”,

OR

an outie?

(No, the above photos are NOT my before and after!)

Okay, I’m not talking about your gut..but what I am talking about does involve guts…and now, I’m spilling mine.

I have both in-ies and out-ies! (Yeah, I’m a medical wonder!)

A huge part of eating addiction recovery is experiencing God’s comfort from the community around me…aka: my “in-ies” and “out-ies” or, my inner and outer circle of friends! Through a series of events, books, prayers and life experiences, God continues to help me identify what “safe people” look like. Still in process and what a process it’s been!

A couple of years ago, God showed me a practical nugget that had helped me immensely. Using Jesus’ life as an example, I’ve identified a manageable way to practically look at friendships.

This is not a rule, (Jesus didn’t die on the cross for woman-made rules!), it’s a guideline that has revolutionized my relationships!

Yes, it involves a list – actually, two! YIPPEEEEE!

12

Jesus had twelve “home-boys”, the Twelve Disciples. (Matthew 10:2-4)

9

Nine were “out-ies”: Andrew, Philip, Bartholomew, Thomas, Matthew, James , Thaddaeus, Simon, and Judas.

3

Three were “in-ies”: Peter, James and John.

In life, there are many great choices of who to pursue friendship depth with. But it can be scary. Since Jesus had three “inner circle” and nine “outer circle” friends – that was the basis for my two lists – in-ie and out-ie.

The three inner people I trust my guts with, and regularly. The outer nine I share
my guts with but less regularly.

Here’s the kicker.

One in each of Jesus’ circles betrayed Him. In-ie Peter denied knowing Him (Matthew 26:69-75) and “Out-ie” Judas betrayed Him (Matthew 26:14-16, 25).  So when I have felt betrayed by special inner and outer friends, I felt Jesus gently say, “join the club sweetheart.” (I don’t need to act surprised! He’s been there, done that, created and got the t-shirt!)

Questions to consider when determining your inner and outer circles:

1. Is she a good listener? Does she let me listen to her?
2. Does she offer sound, Biblically-based advice? I’m not talking about citing a verse for every statement, I mean Biblical principles. Like, do they
   challenge you to speak truth in love, forgive, turn to God in prayer?)
3. Does she help me?
4. Does she let me help her? (It’s not a safe relationship if it goes only one way, then it’s just plain ol’ ministry or abuse!)
5. Does she know my birthday?
6. Do I know their birthday?
7. Does she keep records of my wrongs?
8. Does she offer to pray for me and my family?
9. Has she been with me during a good and bad day?
10. Can I give and receive honest input?
11. Can we disagree and still be friends?
12. Can we comfortably discuss our faith?

Where to look?

1. Think about your incoming and outgoing phone calls/emails.
2. Go through your Christmas card list.
3. On your next birthday, make a mental note of who remembers.
4. Review your journal, what name appears a lot (good or bad…that will help narrow the list!)

Much like the budget and goals, this is a fluid, on-going process. Different seasons of life determine different needs for both parties. I revisit my list about every 6 months. When I feel alone, that’s the very same list I go to as to who to reach out to, go get dinner with, chat, walk, or exercise with!

Rest for the weary – Ephesians 4:15

Perspective checks – Colossians 3:2

Truth in love – Matthew 11:28-30, Matt 17:20

If you care to dig deeper, here are some great resources that have helped me in this journey:

(Yes, this fiction chick-lit book series, The Yada Yada, showed me what Christian women doing life together “looked like!”)

So what’s your gut telling you about your in-ies and out-ies? Pray to God, ask Him for help to discern and take the leap!