With mixed emotions I type that the time has come…
the very last The Shack ladies book discussion will be held on Tuesday, 11 Aug 09 from 730pm – 900pm at the South Riding Panera Bread long table. For you Map Quest-ers, Panera is located at 25042 Riding Plaza Drive South Riding, VA 20152.
Just wanted you to know that we will be discussing the entire contents of the book! If you’re 
Hi everyone! I hope everyone is feeling fiscally fantastic! Ok, I’ll stop now…
I’m going to use today’s post as an opportunity to give women some insight into how men think when it comes to finances/budgets.
If you and your hubby are already on a budget, great! But do you stay on it? Who is the usual culprit when it comes to busting the budget? If it is the husband, then I can tell you that he hasn’t fully bought into the idea of being on the budget (yet…don’t give up!). He sees the budget as confining. He identifies it with a lack of freedom.
How do you get him to commit to the budget? Easy. Cold, hard facts. That’s how most men think. Show him the trend of busting the budget every month, factually, with no finger pointing! Show him the siphoning of savings in order to make up the difference. Extrapolate it out until you have no savings left. I guarantee that will hit home. Don’t make the conversation a matter of emotion, or he’ll identify it as “nagging” (sorry to be so blunt, but I really do want to help!). Simply present the unarguable facts to him.
The opposite side of this coin is if is you, the wife, that consistently breaks the budget. I’ll avoid asking the question, “Why?” and simply tell you how it makes a man feel. If you’ve gone to all of the trouble of establishing a budget and he is doing his fair share, you owe it to the team to do yours. If you don’t, he will feel undermined, unsupported, and harbor resentment. He’ll feel like less of a man to not be bringing home the right amount of bacon. If he is like most men, he will stuff these emotions down deep and you’ll see the anger surface in different ways. Sometime withdraw, which is the last thing your marriage needs. Especially since we men don’t talk about our emotions very well. So put yourself in his shoes. Would you want to feel those same emotions? Probably not. If you continue, the emotions will only build and then explode. You will find yourself in a hum-dinger of a fight…that means a really big one for all of you non-country folk out there.
So my challenge to you this week is one of two things, depending on which side of the coin you are on. If you are the fiscally responsible one in the relationship, put together some hard core data and present him with the undeniable truth, in a calm, non-accusatory manner. If you are the big spender, then sit down and apologize to your man. It will go a long way at chipping away the pent up anger. Next, you need to commit to staying on the budget. You need to identify the why you overspend. Some people are shop-a-holics and need support groups. Others find love and acceptance in spending. Either way, find the root cause and start dealing with it. If you don’t, then you will find yourself back breaking the budget and the cycle of will will continue.
I pray that the money God blesses you with is treated as that a blessing and not a curse. Marriages are under fire these days, do all you can to preserve your marriage vows to your spouse and God.
This Monday morning, we embraced one another with a knowledge and familiarity that spoke comfort into our instantaneous chuckles. As we quickly caught up, we realized we both learned a lot about ourselves last summer. A hug like ours was not an unfamiliar one, not just because I’m a hugger, but rather because I’ve hugged like this before. The people I went through boot camp with, I hug like this. It’s a been there, done that, I’ve walked a bunch o’ miles with you type of hug.
You see, Kelly was my assistant teacher last year at Vacation Bible School (or VBS as the cool cats call it)! She saw first hand mind you, how I was not a gifted teacher…by the dazed and dizzy look I maintained the entire week last summer!
Let me first say, no one told me to be a teacher last summer. I just did it because I thought I “should”. Two years ago, all I did was wedge my weary-Mononucleosis-having-butt up and out to transport my then preschooler, Jake, to VBS with my then two year old to entertain back home. A mixture of guilt and duty flavored my should statement last summer.
This summer, I volunteered again at VBS, but this year not because I “should” but rather because I really wanted too. And oh yeah, I wrote on my volunteer application that I would basically do ANYTHING for them, but teach. I’d cut crafts until my fingers bled, I’d snack those cuties up like it’s nobody’s business, I’d be the directors personal assistant, but please, under no circumstance put me as a teacher.
I’m totally okay with telling you (well at least now I am) that I am not a gifted children’s teacher. I know this because I tried it, and I’m really not good at it. Another good gauge is how you feel AFTER. I was drained and pooped (is it okay to say that here after our stellar challenge?!) out. God has given me enough grace and skill to parent our own kids, but not teach other kids. I drool as I see those gifted teachers seamlessly soar throughout their day with an ease and grace that only GIFTED teachers do! But you know what? It’s really okay that I’m not a good teacher and that the good teachers are good because God gave each and every one of us gifts and talents that are as unique and special as each of us!
So my joke turned into a reality. I am one of the director’s assistants and I’m LOVING it this year. And, I’m not the only Fink loving VBS this year. Take a look…
Monday, in their “SON ROCK Kids Camp” t-shirts:
The Fink men in their "SON ROCKS" T's!
Tuesday, “Green day”:
Wednesday, “Orange and crazy hat day” (Thanks for the shirt Jess and the tiara, Princess Jenny!):
So in the hallway at VBS this past week, my friend, Cheri, and I talked about the danger of the “should” word. I have to share this with you because it’s honest and totally relate-able. That and Cheri said I could. Okay and it’s well, funny!
Cheri felt that on Sundays she should be at the front altar to pray for people because it was complimentary to what she is actually called to do. Through her sweet smile, Cheri told me that for an entire year she prayed, “Lord, please don’t send people to me to be prayed for…” And you know what – He didn’t. Cheri said God sent a total of two people to her that entire year! That’s a pretty good indicator that’s not a woman operating in her gifting when she’s praying for God not to use her!
Take it from my friend Cheri and I…where the word “should” is placed, pay particular attention. There is only One Should that counts…the one where God directs us in the way we should go!
This is what the LORD says— your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. Isaiah 48:17 (NIV)
Is there a “should” that needs to leave your life too? Want to have a “should” t-shirt bonfire together?
