The Baker’s Dozen!
What is it with me and the food references anyway?
Yup that’s what the Finkster and I celebrated this past weekend…the big bakers dozen, 13 years of marriage!
That’s my honey and I before our “hot date” Saturday night. (FYI: Fink definition of “hot date” = anywhere alone with my honey!)
It’d be easy to lie and say its been 13 years of utter bliss.
But that hasn’t been the case.
All of year four and some of year five STUNK. Bad. In fact, it was the darkest time in my life. I’ll tell ya one thing though, I sure am a grateful gal today. And now the wisest marriage advice I received when I was a young bride were captured in just two words…”IT’S WORK.” (Well, I guess that it’s three words because “it’s” is a contraction of it and is…) focus Steph… It’s true.
Want to keep your current job?
Work hard.
Want to get good grades?
Work hard.
Want a great marriage?
Work hard.
There is just one reason we’re not just married, but happily married today.
God. He shows Dave and I where exactly we need to “work hard” at.
If you have a drafty window, how to you make it stop? Find the crack and caulk that sucker up!
Dave and I didn’t know we had cracks in our marriage. We knew we were struggling, but didn’t know “why”? God sure did and He’s been faithful to show us where. Then comes the “hard work” part of caulking them up.
Milestones make me get reflective. As I journaled this morning, God showed so many cracks that He’s guided us to fill. We love an awesome God! These were the top three and I’d like to share them with you:
1. Priorities.
A big crack identified to Dave via his previous Men’s small group. It went like this, “Babe, at small group today the guys were talking about priorities. Our priorities should follow this order: God, spouse, kids, then everything else.”
I was all like, “Huh?” as I white knuckled then baby Jake closer into my breasts with a look that clearly stated, “step away from the woman”.
I prioritized Jake over Dave…and it hurt our marriage.
Ugh.
The “caulking” began with home dates until I could grow up enough to trust a babysitter. Which after a lengthy vetting process…a CPR trained former nanny, whose full time job was a county dispatcher, fit the job description perfectly. Despite Edwina’s experience and resume, I still left two pages of typed notes. I still internally freaked out leaving baby Jake. And yes, I still get ripped on by that same dear friend when we remember those days AND those two pages of typed notes! 
Ah, good times…
2. Words.
Another big crack…this time God revealed to me during a morning private time. God corrected me on what and how I talked to Dave. And ladies, it wasn’t pretty. We’d fight and I’d say, “I’m over this marriage,” or, “I want out,” or the real kicker, “WHATEVER”. Gasp. This is my very best-est BFF in the whole wide world that I was talking to.
I didn’t build in security or respect (and oh how do the men NEED to feel that we respect them!) in the words I spoke or the manner I behaved toward Dave.
I began “caulking” before we argued, I sincerely apologized. I needed to add a large quantity of sincere gratitudes because of my years of damage. Now when we argue, I make a point to reinforce how much I love him and being married to him…it sure helps us make progress in the conversation instead of stalemating into all hours of the night (or morning!).
3. Money.
The last big crack God revealed to both of us…moohlah.
The crack of spending more than what we earned was becoming a huge stressful crack…more like a continental divide.
We began “caulking” by Dave getting his spreadsheet lovin’ self into drafting a budget and me ball parking rough numbers. We both agreed to be accountable to the then once monthly (now weekly) budget meeting. It took time, but WOW did God move.
We never thought that small group participation, disciplined private time, speaking and spending could save our marriage …but God…He showed up powerfully each step of the way and it was His love that directed how, where and when to get caulking.
Which reminds me of even more “baker’s dozens”… 1 Corinthians Bakers Dozen:Bakers Dozen to be exact:
…But the greatest of these is love. (aka: 1 Corinthians 13:13) NIV
God corrects those He loves, and girl, He loves us all. I wanted to post this today to encourage you that no matter where you’re at in your marriage…keep seeking God and do the hard work. He’ll restore joy and a deeper love if you let Him! I don’t just love Dave, I adore him! God worked a miracle in our marriage and I’ll never forget it. He did it for us and if you’re in a bad way in your marriage, stop, pray and ask God the difficult question, “Where are there leaks in my marriage?” Then work hard!
Here we are on our actual anniversary day, with the guys at McD’s!
