ENCOURAGED IN HEART

I barely know where to start after an amazing past five days.

The guys and I traveled north to spend Thanksgiving with most of my family. Sister numero dos and her fam live in Florida so they sadly weren’t there.  I also got to spend a leisurely and girlie day with my oldest and very first friend, Kerry, on Friday.  Then on Saturday we attended a wedding reception that housed the wild old crew from my old neighborhood…the entire five days were a BLAST!

Heading north used to bring a lot of emotional baggage.  I never realized how much until I started this weight loss journey (which I thought was just about physical weight – but it wasn’t – it was really about asking God to help me deal with my emotions) almost eight years ago.

The high voltage emotions were not because I don’t love my side of the family, but rather because I do.  We all love each but there’s just something about when we’re all together that can at times get, well…emotional.  It’s not overtly emotional, but all those subtleties of bling-er comments, etc.  And, for a recovering emotional eater…it’s like knowingly walking into a landmine expecting not to blow up. That combined with some magical thinking I can turn into an emotional WILD WOMAN!

Why can’t we all just get along? Was my heart’s cry…and I believe now my family’s heart’s cry also.

The build up to the visit, the actual visit, the recovery from the visit – I’m not even talking packing and laundry – I’m just talking emotions right now!

If you have a family, maybe you know what I mean?

As the baby of the family, I’d internalize it and let all the whoop-la get me down.  God showed me the victim statements I’ve made – aka: my part of the equation is the only part I can own and change.  A huge part of my change is the realization that I’m no longer a victim.

In fact, I’m more than a conqueror…through Him.

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  Romans 8:37 (NIV)

Victim statements have a “should”, “always”, or “never” attached to them.  God’s trained me that when I self talk with those three particular words – to stop, evaluate and redefine the statement.

“We’re a family and families should get along…”

“Pop always has cookies, candy and treats everywhere, it’s like walking into Willy Wonka’s place.”

“The sisters never say nice things to one another.”

Some things remain true.  Willy Wonka’s place (my Pop’s pad) still had Grandma’s etched glass candy dish filled with  Peppermint Patties, the kitchen cookie jar was a-flowing with chocolate chip cookies, freshly made brownies and a box of donuts…but so was a bowl full of fruit and fresh veggies…cause Pop knows we love em’!

My sisters do say nice things to one another, not all the time, but they do at least sometimes!

We do all get along, sometimes we don’t.

I focused more on the negatives than the plentiful positives.

So I’m using the food for the analogy here, but what I’m really saying is the critical spirit that I entered with propagated my own grief and ravaged emotions and left me with a skewed perspective of reality.  Emotional healing and maturity says look at things for what they are, accept it and get on with life!

I know I’m healing because I didn’t just stuff my emotions and the chow – no, I ate cousin Meredith’s delicious pumpkin pie and didn’t think of a second helping and not because it wasn’t a yum-ster of a slice -  I was far more interested in hanging and connecting with my family.

Identifying the progress, not perfection is what true recovery is all about!

I know I’m not the only one with family dynamics.  I may be just the only lunatic who blogs about it.  

I hope you leave today encouraged with this one thought…one person that makes one choice, led by a One-der-ful God is an equation for love.  Love multiplies and never divides!  I love my family for who they are, no longer what I wished them to be…and that in and of itself is a miracle from God!  I know I want to be loved for who I am today, not for what I wished I was or will be!

On Monday, I wrote about our “new” frog, Sonic (which the boys haven’t so much as blinked about) and my new plether chair.  I’m grateful for both!  Sonic was determined to be more of an urgent purchase, while the plether chair was a long time coming.  Dave and I realized that after our last two friend gatherings, where no one so much as breathed in our dining room,

that the space would be better used as an office.

We went from using this room about two times a year to numerous times daily.  We recycled the dining room furniture profits into the room redo.  Our room was recycled and given a second chance.

Me too.

As I ponder on what I’m most thankful for this Thanksgiving, this is it…that God gives me, and everyone else, a recycled-redo-second chance.  NO ONE is too far from His reach, love and forgiveness.  And, what Jesus has done for me, He’s done and will do for countless others!

This past Sunday, the Finkster and about 30 others went on stage and gave their redo-recycled-second-chance story.  The church folk call it “testimony”.  While Dave has been known to bust out some fine dance moves while on stage, this time he busted out just a slice of his story and what God has done! The humility, power and transformation from pain this past Sunday was so powerful! I wanted to share it with you for two reasons – 1.  maybe you’ll see yourself in one of these signs or 2. to see what Thanksgiving is all about.  The “recycled” stories are at the end of the power-packed sermon (starts at the 39 minute mark).

If you’re in the Northern Virginia/DC area, I’d like to extend an invite to come to our church.  Christian Fellowship Church in Ashburn, VA.  I keep a link on the right side of the blog all the time. There’s no dress code or need of perfection.  In fact, perfect people…please stay home.

A redo-recycled-second chance – that’s life with Christ!  A stuck, terminal, frustrated life – that’s life with self.  I’m thankful for my new room, new life and humble husband/church friends! What are you truly thankful for?

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ – by grace you have been saved…” Ephesians 2:4 (NIV)

On behalf of my “turkeys” and our official “Turkey Bowl” today – HAPPY THANKSGIVING to you and yours!

The family “Turkey Bowl” was professionally photographed by photographer extraordinaire, Meredith…

The hostess with the most-est and on the injured reserve list…sis Deb!

The most talented athletes on the field…

My team, “The Winners” vs. Dave’s team, “The Wall”.  I don’t even want to talk about who won…for “The Wall” got to eat dessert first and I’m not a happy Team Captain.

I’m not one to whine, BUT, The Franchise Owner (aka: Pop on the hill) declared the game a tie…and the athletes cheered!

Our “enthusiastic” cheerleader…Griffin!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

After a hurried morning of getting the boys off to school; I slid into my new pleather (plastic + fake leather = pleather)  desk chair to write.  One problem, my coffee was in the kitchen…and that is a rather serious problem.  But, that was not my worst problem of the morning.

I grabbed my coffee, did an about face and stopped to greet the frogs.  I screeched to a halt.  Sonic was belly up. I tapped the tank numerous times.  Mr. Frog was still slowly swimming around as normal.  But not Sonic.

What about the boys? Their hearts are going to be broken. What am I going to do???

I stopped to breath for a second.  I had a choice to make:

A. Take the next 2 hours and haul to Sterling and get a replacement Sonic.

B. Write (cause this is going to be my only time to write all week with the holiday).

C. Get a dog, the boys wanted a dog anyway and the dog would distract some of their grief process.

I called Dave.

We choose “A.”

I’m not advocating the kind of parenting where you lie or protect kids from all pain.  But some pain, yes.  And, this pain we chose to protect them from.  Getting a pet after losing Romeo and Juliet was a long time coming.  Though Sonic and Mr. Frog were in the family only nine days, we’ve all gotten quite attached.

I scurried like a mouse in a cheese puzzle, back and forth and all around  from tank to tank, looking for a dark spotted, spunky, spastic, Sonic look-alike.  Too long, too fat, too light, not enough spots, not enough dark spots, too chill…

It was in the middle of my Sonic quest that I realized a most important truth.  God made each and every creature on this earth special and unique.  Trying to find an exact Sonic would be like saying there are two exactly alike snowflakes or people.

While I didn’t abort the mission, I did lose some hope after seeing Dave’s face after he examined the tank.  He whispered, “It doesn’t look like Sonic.”

“It was the closest one they had honey…” was all I could muster.

The boys noticed nothing. And that’s just fine with Dave and me.

Rest in peace Sonic.