This is my fifth and last year of doing the preschool driving route. Through these years, I’ve carpooled with three dear friends (that all happen to drive sexy mini vans too!). This year, the most direct route that I drive my friend’s daughter home is past another friends home. A friend that I’m no longer “friends” with. We “broke up”. And no, it’s not a Rachel and Ross “we were on a break” thing. For today and perhaps forever…we have “broken up”.
My heart’s still sad about it.
Sure, I could drive another way home…but passing her home is the quickest route. Each time I drove past her house, my heart would cry out, “What did I do wrong? How can I fix it?”
The biggest thing that I did wrong was that I was not honest about how she made me feel at times. I acted like everything was okay, and that was a lie. When God brought this to my attention, He also strengthened me to change the pattern and be honest. I lamented. Confrontation is not a prance through a lavender field. No, it feels more like walking barefoot across shards of glass.
I did confront her. And it was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done.
Coming into true health, where I’m honest spiritually, emotionally and physically – I’ve needed to be honest with myself and others in my life. It’s been much more difficult than putting a brownie down for the upteenth time.
I needed prayer. Again, my inner three prayed for me, lifted my friend and me up and encouraged me many times. After a few rounds back and forth, we broke up. Sure, we’re cordial now when needed, but that’s it. I believe it’s what’s best, but I’m still sad.
Recently, a new road was paved in our sub division. One that I now prefer to drive my friend’s daughter home; it’s more direct, smoother and less traffic. You know what? I still think of that old friend each trip home. I miss her, but while in that relationship, I missed me too. I had a pattern of just stuffing/hiding; what I thought a “good church girl” should do. I was never able to speak truth into her life, or her mine – because I came into the relationship dishonest. I owned my part and when I asked her do to her part – she shot back my problems, didn’t apologize and through many emotionally-filled darts concluded the tip of the iceberg that I confronted her about, was just me and my problem.
She loves Jesus too.
That’s why I’m certain He’s doing a work in her heart as He’s done in mine. We’re taking different roads today, I pray that her roads are smoother too. And I see God doing a big work in me. Like my preschool route, God paved a new way. I enjoy it more, it’s smoother and more direct. And so am I.
The biggest gift I can give my family and friends is my health and wholeness.
This has required more than eating a carrot stick from time to time. No, there’s been many more changes…all originating from me.
For the controlling friend – it’s required that I no longer allow her to control me. That is…if I really love her and myself too.
For the emotionally absent friend – it’s required that I no longer keep going back and asking coffee from a pothole (something I love, from the wrong source).
For the faithful friend – it’s required that I value that gift and invest time there to nurture and grow that relationship.
The old road was desert land, this new road is life. So today I say, “thank you God for making a new paved road that was once dried out desert land”!
Forget about what’s happened;
don’t keep going over old history.
Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new.
It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?
There it is! I’m making a road through the desert…”
Excerpt from Isaiah 43:16-21 (Message)
Is there a new paved road for you today? Will you drive down it?
I donned my charcoal fleece earmuffs and power walked through the chilled morning air – a woman on a mission. As I power walked with a filled canary colored sack attached to my back (where I’m certain the child-filled cars that passed questioned if Santa was a female that wears a white ball cap and black framed glasses) 
unloaded Dave’s shirts at the dry cleaners and then bee-lined to Starbucks for a tall decaf sprinkled with cinnamon (one cup of caffeine is all the world really needs me filled with each day!) 
