ENCOURAGED IN HEART

I’m writing to you from beautiful Bluffton,South Carolina in the accomadating Marriott office space. The Finkster is shaving while the boys are enjoying some TV time. I mascaraed my lushious lashes quick to pump out a post!

Just had to tell you some exciting goings-ons…The Fink Fam’s headed to Disney and we’re psyched! Jake can’t wait to meet Donald the Duck, (that’s what he keeps calling him…and feels the need to speak like the duck after), Cal had his shorts on the correct way today in route to breakfast today (don’t ask about yesterday). When I noticed, “Yay Cal, you have your shorts on the correct way!” He shook his head saying, “I just guessed…”

Anyhoo…

Many of you joined the “Encouraged In Heart” journey, when I did weekly posts of where I was at in my weekly weigh in..along with a nugget that God laid on my heart that week. I’d like to first say, THANKS for hanging with me as we continue this journey together!

Knowing that you were there to read my progress, helped keep me accountable to keep on, keepin’ on!

I was able to lose 70 pounds, that’s a whole-lotta-
Jersey-girl to leave behind, but was only able to keep 60 of em’ off. God used the Lose it For Life book, workbook and devotional by Stephen Arteburn as such an amazing resource to apply spiritual motivation to a physical and emotional problem.

It was then that I faced and realized that I was an emotional eating addict.

Just the word “addict” gives me the hibbidey-gibbideys.

I weeped because I don’t want to be controlled by anything but God. And God’s been loving and guiding me through.

When I surrendered that 60 pounds was all I could keep off doing what I was doing, I joined Weight Watchers. I needed help in relearning what a portion size looks like.

I cried the entire way home from my first meeting with mean self talk, “What kind of loser gets to 60 pounds and just can’t finish the job?”

“Why do I have to waste my time cramming something else into my already full life just to lose weight/be healthy?”

“Why can’t this just be easy?”

“God, why can’t you just lift the pressure food has on me so I can get on to bigger and better things in life with you?”

I recently heard Stephen Arterburn speak, where he said, “Do what you need to do to perserve the gains that you’ve made.”

Joining Weight Watchers was the next best step for me to preserve the gains (or losses – however you look at it!) that I’ve made. His words were the hug from God that I needed. I need that support group, where people understand me (Lord help em’!).

My accountability time with Nancy this week came about a word – what we joked was “the word of the day”.

Acceptance.

I’ve been committed on this journey for eight years now…and have “accepted” to be on it until I reach the pearly gates cause I know that I was imprisoned by being overweight/obese and not as free to serve God while weighed down.

Acceptance means saying, this is who I am today, prayerfully, not forever…and if it is forever, I won’t be alone, because God’s on my side – you gals too.

I no longer want to beat myself up for who I am not, but rather celebrate myself for who I am…

I am a King’s daughter.

I am loved by God.

I am a sinner, saved by grace.

And currently, a women who struggles with food and needs a program to help keep me “sober”.

I am determined to be found, until my very last breath, actively pursuing God’s best for my life.

Tuesday morning I went to Weight Watchers and found that I HIT MY GOAL WEIGHT!

I’m feeling quite emotionally vulnerable these days as I’m not using food to medicate my emotions and therefore feeling a lot more.

I was feeling (oh these emotions of mine) rather embarassed to take our sons with me to my Weight Watchers weigh in. I didn’t stay for the meeting as the list of things to get done before vacation, well, let’s just say, was not a short one. But I had to prioritize this weigh in before going on the road for a week.

The boys inquired why I was going. I told them, “Mom wants to be healthy for God, and I struggle with eating too much and need help and encouragement to be healthy. Boys, when you’re struggling, get help!”

“When you’re struggling, get help!”

I don’t want to beat up my Pop here, honestly I don’t, but that was not a message I learned as a young grieving girl who needed help processing my mother’s death. Not just my mother’s death. My grandfather died two years before, then my mother, then my dog, then my grandmother (that moved in with us). Four deaths in less than five years is a lot for anyone to handle. I was taught to just suck it up and press on. So, I just stuffed my ever-revolving emotions with food.

To be fair to my Pop, I did learn to never quit from him, and that life lesson is proving vital in my weight loss success.

Well, we’re up to 36 of 50 states on the liscense plate game, and each new state that we’ve entered, the boys and I pumped our arms rapidly to successully have the truckers honk for us (Finkster wasn’t havin’ any of it).

Disney here we come…but even more importantly, I’m traveling one day closer to the “Magical Kingdom”…the mansion with many rooms, where my greatest heart’s desire is to hear the King say, “My child, job well done.”

Will you accept yourself for where you are today? Will you do, what you need to do, to do the next right thing for your life?

Today’s a very special day at the Fink home…at breakfast, my “baby”, Caleb, decided to accept Jesus into his heart!

And, it’s been a little difficult for this crazy Jersey girl Momma to stop leaking from my tear ducts…

We were doing our morning devotion where John the Baptist was telling the people to turn to God. And all the peeps that he spoke with had to offer is that, “Thanks any way John…but my great, great, great granddaddy is Abraham – so we’re all good…go on to preach elsewhere.” (Based on Luke 3:1-20)

I asked, “Is that true boys, will that man go to heaven because his great, great, great granddaddy was Abraham?”

In unison, Jake and Cal said, “No!”

I asked, “Well, how do you get into heaven then?”

Cal’s prompt response, “Ya gotta get dead.”

Can ya stand it?

“Well, you do have to be dead to go to heaven, that’s right Caleb!” I assured him while thinking, I’m not really making a clear point here…

Smiling at his little brother’s response, Jake said, “You need to have Jesus in your heart!”

Where Cal promptly replied, “I want to do that today. I want to ask Jesus into my heart.”

Believe you me, we asked and talked to Cal about “salvation” before, and he was not interested in the “heaven program”…at all. And the whole water baptism thing? Just really silly and rather unnecessary in his mind.

I asked, “Jake, would you like to lead your brother in the prayer?”

“Yes.” Like a solider, Jake rose up from his side of the kitchen table and marched to Cal’s side, looked at him square in the face and said, “Caleb, do you accept Jesus into your heart?”

Cal said, “Yes.”

Just to make sure Cal understood his decision, Jake and I shared reading Romans 3:23, Romans 6:23 and Romans 10:13. We talked about how serious our “bad choices”, sins, are and how awesome Jesus is for forgiving us. Do you get that?

Cal got it.

We prayed.

(Cal, just moments after praying!)

And, I’m a leaking mess…

God you are awesome! I feel a huge delight, that the babies that the Finkster and I prayed for while still in my tummy, have lived into their own personal choice of salvation, at their own time…not a time dictated by a church regimine…but as a personal choice.

Now, the exciting and challenging lifelong journey on how to not just be a Christian, but how to act like one begins!

I found this quote two days ago, and it just fits today: “The deepest longings we feel on earth, as parents, as lovers, are mere flickers of the hungering desire God feels for us.” Phillip Yancey

There’s something sacred about the early morning. The world seems at rest. Well, except for the birds. Those little ones are chirping endless wisdom right now. I’m going to finish this post then go out for a morning walk to soak up their good tunes that is, right after I soak up this cup of coffee!

My son Jake, is like me in the fact that he’s a morning person. He’ll wake up smiling and ready to jump into the day. Cal however, is not. He’s normal gig is flinging the door open with a, “I’m sooooooooooo tired. Can you get me a drink?”

Based off of the above information, guess which one’s my periodic morning running partner? You guessed it, Jake!

While my current running partner, Jess, is finishing cooking the precious bun in her oven, Jake and I have been getting up about once a week to “run” together. I use the word “run” rather loosely as the boy knows just two speeds. Sprint and walk. You should have seen his face when I said, “Do you want to jog?” It was as if I was speaking a foreign language, which to be fair, in some parts, New Jersey-ese is a foreign language. Oh yeah, and, he would like to hold my hand while we sprint or walk.

For the record, Jess has never asked to hold my hand while we run.

So I began to impart my “worldly wisdom”, with a biblical perspective of how God wants us to run and live life like a long distance runner…how we have to pace ourselves.

His scrunched eyebrows followed by a, “Mom look at that bird!” – an effective distraction technique he’s observed his mother use in response to the, “Is there really a Santa Claus?” – told me that I need to pace my mouth, as I teach Jake how to pace his runs.

The irony of my “pace yourself” conversation(s) with Jake is that just three weekends ago, while the Finkster and I were at the beach, and certainly against our better judgement, we ran together.

We knew better.

After a run that went south 13 years ago on the back roads of Moore, Oklahoma, where the Finkster did what I call a “pity trot” next to me while declaring that he’s, “Gonna get shin splints if I keep running at this pace.” I told him to scram and the whole conversation wasn’t very pretty. After we “cooled down” from the run and conversation, we vowed that running wouldn’t be “our thing” and that we’d never, ever, run together again. Tennis – cool, competitive Scrabble – awesome, running – no. The Finkster’s a naturally gifted runner. And I on the other hand, am not.

Back to the beach…

The Finkster and I chugged down the boardwalk, close to our first mile when I looked down at my heart rate monitor watch to see what zone I was in. Though, I’m not sure “cardiac arrest” falls into a particular exercise heart rate zone.

I have no picture of this run because like I just typed, I was in the cardiac arrest training zone. I calmly released my beloved to run at his pace while I decided to run, well breath again, then run at my pace.

The Finkster runs at a naturally faster pace than I do.

I speak at a naturally faster pace than the Finkster.

We all have our strengths.

Jess and I run at the same pace. Jake and I don’t and that’s okay. I’ll keep walking and sprinting next to him because, I like that special mother and son bonding time. As for the Finkster and I, running together just isn’t our thing.

When I don’t run at my pace, it makes me want to “about-face”, turn back and quit.

All this to say, have the courage to run at your own pace. Not just in your sneaks, but also in your spiritual life. Don’t compare (and frustrate) yourself with someone who you think is “running faster” than you. And don’t think too highly of yourself if you find that you have a faster “pace” than someone else. Just have the courage to run your own pace and most importantly, just keep running (keep pursuing God and God’s best!).

You’ve all been to the stadium and seen the athletes race. Everyone runs; one wins. Run to win. All good athletes train hard. They do it for a gold medal that tarnishes and fades. You’re after one that’s gold eternally. 1 Corinthians 9:24-25 (Message)

Well, my coffee’s done and so’s this post, so I’m off!

How’s your pace?