Over Thanksgiving weekend, I woke to a gentle tap on my bedroom door and a, “Steph, I think I need your help.”
It was 6am and it was my father’s voice.
Sensing the urgency, I sprung from bed to check on my Dad. “Pop, sit down and let me see.” My father needed to get to the hospital…quickly.
Hours after Pop was checked in, IVd, and shaking under six hospital blankets (two of which were heated), I realized that I forgot one important detail.
My underwear.
Let’s just take a moment to pause to thank God that I did not forget my jeans, okay? 
(What?!?! Did you honestly think I’d post a pic of my underwear here?!?)
I rushed to get dressed and attend to the other important details such as my Pop’s medications and accessories (which are more complicated than the NASA launch sequence), our kids and the other events of the day. I decided after all the other details were taken care of, I’d dig a clean pair out of my suitcase. Well, that last detail never happened.
I’m living proof that some details need to be left out of the story.
Some details need to go, while others need to be remain…if for nothing else, for entertainment purposes. For example, my father told the ER doctor that his two allergies were to “penicillin and rap music”. That detail stays, cause it’s just plain funny.
So you may be wondering, why do I bring up my underwear (or lack of em’)?
Because some details need to be left out of stories.
Women, we need to cover one another where we’re most vulnerable, in our private areas. Okay?
Really, I should stop…
Sometimes we get our feelings hurt or a friend does something that just doesn’t jive, but there’s this thing called “Grace”. I know we can’t just stuff our hurts and emotions down and away, because the truth of the matter is that they don’t go away, but often get worse. I’m a recovering food addict. One of the most important pattern changes God’s helped me make, is to not stuff my emotions (which leads to binging) but rather share them in a safe way.
But who and when I share my pain – that detail is very, very important because it speaks to my character. When I share stories I need to love the person, even if she acted like a jerk face. (Ahem…)
The Bible says in 1 Peter 4:8 that, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”
Love leaves some details out of a story and leaves them under-where no one else but God can see them. (I could go on like this for days…)
There’s a way to share a story and then there’s another way to destroy a reputation.
Gossip is murder.
Recently I was tested in this, yet again.
I was hurt badly by someone I love. We talked it through and got to the best ending point that was possible. After crying on and off for the four days that followed, I was stuck.
I needed some comfort. Some wisdom. Some perspective.
So I did the most horrible thing ever.
I picked up my phone.
The first person I called couldn’t talk because she had to run into an appointment. The second person I called went right to voice mail.
The first two people I called, knew the woman that hurt me. I abhor writing this but the reason I called both of them was to avenge myself…to make her look bad and me good. But you see how off that last sentence was, right?
I know that’s just horrible and I hate even typing it, but it’s the truth.
I had to stop and reconcile with the woman I was behaving like and woman I wanted to be. God pointed me to just the right friend who doesn’t know the woman, but does know me.
Guess it’s safe to say the third time’s a charm.
My friend, Joann, picked right up. I shared my heart and asked her to help me be the woman I want to be, not the woman I was acting or feeling like.
She listened.
She validated.
She comforted.
She prayed.
In her prayer, she said “Thank you” and “Reveal”.
I’m grateful God revealed the meat of this post and some very other important things about the woman that hurt me. She’s hurting too. Remember, hurting people hurt people?
I believe that God didn’t allow my flesh to be gratified in the first two calls because God gives grace in moments when I least deserve them. He’s so cool like that. After a honker of a reality check, God allowed my soul to feel satisfied. God cares how we respond to life’s “speed bumps” and thankfully permits grace along the way.
Some details need to be omitted and some need to remain. But before you move out, have the courage to ask this question, “Why am I saying this?”
If it’s to make the other person look bad and you look good…don’t do it. Once you say it, you’ll never be able to take it back.
When someone hurts you, “Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge.” (Ephesians 4: 26 Message)
Just don’t use your anger or mouth for revenge – like I almost did…um, the first two times. God showered me with grace that day and made sure I released my emotions to the right person.
God is in the details. God cares about the details. God covers the details…even under-where no one sees. (I’m leaving you now…)
Has someone ever shared a detail about you that hurt you? How did it make you feel? Will you share what you learned from it?
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Wow! Thanks so much for the great mix of humor and depth! This was so well written and vulnerable that I appreciate it on so many levels! You are really a treasure and are blossoming so evidently in your writing. Praise God!
hummm…no underwear to bed?
LOVE YOU SISTER!
Thanks so much for your kind words and for loving me whether no matter the clothing garments I do (or do not) have on!
What a great lesson. And it’s so true, once something leaves your mouth, it can’t be taken back. I hate inserting my foot in my mouth, and I try to think before I speak. But you’re right, when you’re angry or hurting, it’s almost a reflex to want to hurt right back. Taking a step back is a good thing. I’m so glad that God stepped in with your phone calls, and you ended up speaking to just the right person. We’re all human, and sometimes we don’t deserve the grace from above, but it’s ours anyway.
And I’m not sure how you forgot your underwear in the first place, but that’s probably a detail left unspoken.
That is a detail I’d like to know myself!!!!
I hate inserting my foot so much that, and SO glad God hooked me up and covered me the first TWO times…
Hug the guys for me tomorrow night – sorry to miss the fun!
Thought you’d get a laugh that P$’s new obesession is going ‘comando’!!!! I have under-ware checks every day…just once and a while a detail we forget and ‘comando-boy’ shows up at the baseball field!!
He tells me he is trying to help me by not making dirty laundry…what a piece of work he is!
P$ aka: “Commando Boy” – the endless joy you’ve brought to our family…continues!!!! I know your spiders-on-the-mirror-joke-telling-Grandma in heaven is DELIGHTING in you with us!
Aunt Stephie agrees that you’re doing your part in creating less dirty laundry…good work honey – now go make some popcorn in the microwave, but this time don’t push 100 minutes – try about 3. XOXOX
This was a powerful post and really spoke volumes to me. An area we all struggle in – thank you for always being REAL!
I do have to tell you that when you originally told me the story about your underwear – I thought you’d forgotten your dad’s underwear!
ha ha, thought that would give you a laugh!!
I wish it WAS my Dad’s underwear! Then I wouldn’t be so “exposed” in the hospital then or in this post now!
We have all been there on that one girl. I’ve learned in my 56 years you have to pick and choose your battles. And you have to realize that people are ALWAYS going to hurt you! Our family, closest friends, co-workers, etc. etc. It’s life. I am currently taking the ‘Because of Jesus’ class at CFC on Wednesday nights with Gay-Huffman Johnson leading it. It’s an awesome class. I would recommend it to everyone! One of the things I’ve learned, among others, DO NOT take offense to what other people do or say to you. Easier said than done, I know. It means you have to be thick skinned and just roll with it. But as you mentioned in your blog, hurting people…hurt other people in their path. And to end, I agree with what ‘J’ said above….when things go wrong and they will, keep looking to Jesus!
First, I hope I have as fab hair when I’m 56 (you look SO GOOD, Girl!)!
Picking battles and realizing it’s “life” are such good words for me to read and receive! Now this whole not taking offense business is going to take some time but I’m seeing the goal and striding towards it! HUGS and THANKS!
First,thanks for the laugh out loud!!! But thanks too for allowing your readers to see that you are human and God loves you anyway. And that He loved you enough to connect you to the best person who could help you with your pain.
I have experienced the pain of someone trying to publicly shame me. Someone so close that
I would never in a million years have expected it.
I had to come to grips with the knowledge that only Jesus will never fail me. And everyone else(including me) are flawed, imperfect human beings in desperate need of a Savior. I try not to over spiritualize life’s events but sometimes we just need to know that only Jesus will never hurt us. I had a wonderful therapist who’s “life verse” was 1 Peter 4:8. It is true.
My number one rule: Always go to Jesus first.
I think the pain stings even deeper when it’s from someone that knows us well and that we love. I love your grace-based approach to life, Beth. And your number one rule is the rule to live by: Go to Jesus first! THANK YOU for sharing so candidly here and so generously everywhere God brings you!
Feeling victimized and seeking sympathy from others – easy
Honestly examining our hearts to see how we may have contributed to the bad situation, and owning it with an apology – hard
Slandering the other person by slyly mentioning to anyone who will listen about how hurt we are and asking for prayer to heal – easy
Keeping our mouth shut and entrusting our hearts to the Master Healer alone – hard
Gathering many “friends” around us for comfort and validation – easy
Carefully seeking counsel from the one friend who we know will not let us rest in doing what is easy but will challenge us endlessly to obey God – hard
I can’t tell you just how much I value and appreciate your beautiful words, honesty and heart! THANK YOU, Sis!