ENCOURAGED IN HEART

The BIG question, “What am I going to do now that I hit my goal weight?”

SHOP TILL I DROP BABY!

Or, until the $100 buck shopping spree money is spent!  And given my non-affinity for shopping, it’s a coin toss which will occur first!

So, now that I’ve touched my goal weight, I’m walking on easy street…right? ACK – NO!  Thought I’d be, but I ain’t! I’m not writing this to discourage you, but rather to give you a realistic perspective, which I pray does encourage you.  I used to look at slender or average weighted women and assume things (which reminds me of a little saying, “know what happens when you assume…you made a donkey out of u and me!”

I digress…only God knows what’s going on in the inside.  Outside appearances are quite deceptive and only sometimes true.  And in my opinion, women can camouflage themselves up quite well!

For example, husband says, “are you okay?” The, “I’m F-I-N-E” reply not only is camouflaging the emotion, but also a TRAP! RUN!

My emotional eating recovery has depended on a warrior-like persistence with petitions to God, no other thing nor substance for comfort.

O my Comforter in sorrow, my heart is faint within me. Jeremiah 8:18 (NIV)

True dat – hubby, family and friends are part of that, but God HAS TO COME FIRST.

1st!

But seek FIRST his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33 (NIV)

When I feel nutty, or that stirring inside, God’s guided me to stop and put a name to that emotion.  The first and biggest one, “I feel angry because Mom died and my childhood became adulthood.”  Or, “I feel sad because _______ treated me mean” or “happy because _____ made me feel special”.

But the next step of this emotional recovery, has been to experience the emotion, sometimes more than once!

This has what the process looks like for me:
1. Feel the wackiness.
2. Identify the emotion/s.
3. Experience the emotion/s.
4. Heal!

Sometimes, #3 has continued to be visited, and on some deep hurts
like my Mom’s death or our first three babies miscarrying, it won’t be
until I’m home with Jesus before I truly experience #4, healing. God heals enough to make the hurt more bearable.

But TRUE healing…that’s the white stuff in the oreo of life, the cream in the Bavarian pie,
the peanut butter in the Reeses peanut butter cup, the gooey stuff in the center of the truffle

the…end of my inappropriate food analogies!

Yes, many habits and bad patterns have changed, but sister, I’m still chugging along, quite humbly aware how each day in my emotion eating recovery is a blessing!

I’m a gal who thrives on order. No wonder I chose the military and law enforcement as my first professions and also, why I like to run from emotions:

EMOTIONS ARE NOT ORDERLY!

There’s no charting, predictability or figuring them out and quite frankly, that annoys me! To experience emotions is a process, that I’d like to get check off my “To Do” list and place on my “Is Done” list! I need the faith and courage to get unorderly and experience them, or in other words, make “time to weep” (Ecclesiastes 3:4).  God wouldn’t have put in in The Book if it wasn’t meant to happen!

Do you “second that emotion”? 

THIS WEEKEND I TOUCHED MY GOAL
WEIGHT!!!

Yes ma’am SEVENTY pounds are gone! I’d like to say the heaven’s
opened up and a powerful Hallelujah chorus poured out… but it didn’t happen
that way.

Friday morning I ran outside with Donnie McClurkin
praising from my arm.

As I turned home, wicked winds changed my non-Olympic ten minute
mile pace into that of Sofia, from the Golden Girl cast.

The wind was so bad at times, I felt like all I did was run in place. It was discouraging.  But I spoke to myself, “Hey, I may not be making much progress, but I’m still standing and praising!” I knew where home was, I just had to choose to not quit to
get there. I tilted my head down and went head into the storm. I dug in cause there was only one direction to head home, through the stormy weather. Couldn’t go around cause at some
point, the wind would blast me. I
had to go through it.

Know what? My Friday morning run and my six and a half year weight loss journey
were the same. (Please reread the above paragraph.)

My Friday afternoon through Sunday night, I was a hurting troop. Not
because of my cosmic run but because of a rockin’ case of the stomach flu…and I
will spare you the details. This was not the way I thought Lucy would say 137. I also didn’t think it would take six and a half
years. My ways are sadly very different than God’s ways.

The bottom line is, I
touched this finish line and it feels incredible! I’m in no way saying I’ve “arrived” because
that’s just not the case.  This journey has kicked my butt and I have a lot more to do on the next leg of
this faith race.  One word: MAINTENANCE.

I started this journey the day Jake was born, it’s hard
to believe he’s six now. I went from 207
pounds to 137 pounds; from a size elastic banded maternity pants to a size
6. My BMI is now a healthy 23.

So as I counted the costs, this is what I found:

Price of Lucy: $49.99

Price of Polar hear rate monitor (including shipping):
$52.95

Being at my goal weight and knowing God more intimately
because of it:

* PRICELESS *

*“more than gold, more than pure gold,” Psalm 119:137h-i (NIV)

Do you know how much God loves me now that I’ve touched my
goal weight? The exact same amount as when I started this journey six and a
half years ago and how that fact humbles me so just writing this.

No matter where you are in your journey, believe God loves
you and He wants you to love you too! He
made you and He’s not complaining! Choose today to honor Him with your body and
make choices for life! You and I are His precious Golden Girls and He loves us!

What is one thing that you love about the way God made you? (If you can’t come up with one, I’m gonna come visit you and you don’t want this Jersey girl to get started on you!) Start with one and keep building!

If someone asked me, “Do you need others Steph?” I’d instinctively reply, “Of course!” And then the Holy Spirit would get a vote, “Really Steph…REALLY?”

(Gulp.)

and gently continue, “is that why when challenges hit, you morph to preschooler mode, ‘I can do it all myself?’…cause you need others?“

(Double gulp.)

This past week has been a test bed of my will, or perhaps better put, my pride.  Pride is one of the most heinous sins – it’s what got angelic Lucifer to trade in his wings for a hotter residence located down south.

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” James 4:6b (NIV)

As I’m learning what humility looks like, I feel His grace surround me with His love put into action with loving arms, meals, childcare, prayers, encouraging notes/call.  In the words of James Brown, “I FEEL GOOD!” Grace feels good!

This week I had a huge breakthrough – I truly, for the first time in my life, admitted to myself that I needed others. (Not like it was a hidden secret to those around me!) Not only that, I’ve accepted help in various and diverse ways.   Know what else I had?  The first glimmer in MONTHS – a breakthrough in my plateau!  Don’t tell me mind-body-spirit aren’t connected, cause you’re going to talk to a dry, chipped nail Jersey hand!

It’s a fact Jack; the opposite of pride
is humility.  If I’m going to keep loosing the emotional weight, I’m gonna NEED to loose my pride and need
others.

Joyce Meyer  wrote it most clearly, “Remember, pride is a sin, and it is the culprit behind broken relationships.” (1)   My sinful pride has separated me from deeper relations with others and God.  That’s what sin  does – separates from love. Sin separates, love unites.

So what do you read on the need scale? Which category  most fits you?

1.     Do you need others?  (Do you communicate needs, listen to others’ needs and reciprocate accordingly?)

2.     Do you knead others? (Do you refuse to accept help because you can do it, “all by yourself?”  Kneading others patience and love by constant refusal to accept help?)

3.     Or somewhere in the balanced middle – you recognize the God-given gift of friendship and partake in a healthy reciprocity?

And my God will meet all your NEEDs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.Philippians 4:19 (NIV)

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(1)    Meyer, Joyce. The Everyday Life Bible.  New York:  Warner Faith, 2006. p. 1925.