Today I find myself securely insecure.
I know, someone’s sounding a little cuckoo for cocoa puffs!
I used to be so insecure that I’d tell others what I thought they wanted to hear.
Insecurity breeds dishonesty.
Insecurity breeds conformity.
Insecurity breeds a loss of self.
I’m not particularly comfortable with being vulnerable or sharing so much of my life, but I’m doing it anyway. I blame the Cocoa Puffs…
Recently God’s revealed a very deep root of rejection that was planted in me while I was young girl. When my mother got sick with cancer and the following year died, my father checked out. He was physically present but emotionally absent. I’m not blasting him or anything, cause I don’t know how I’d deal if I lost the Finkster with young kids, but the truth was my dad checked out.
I digested my father’s checking out as rejection. Rejection that effected my self-worth, family, professional life (I became a perfectionist workaholic), marriage, friendships and most importantly, my relationship to God.
Now that I’m practicing honesty, as I sit quietly before God…I’ve seen that I’ve always been loved and adored by God.
Now that I’m practicing honesty, like I’m experimenting with in this post, many relationships are well, changing. Some for good, some not for good.
Honesty is scary but freeing.
I’ve found lately that I’ve had a very low tolerance for insecure people. I know it’s wrong to put that out there but it’s honest and where I’m at today. People that need to be stroked and patted and affirmed.
People like me.
I’m wondering if we can allow God’s love to trump our childhood insecurities and be free to be secure in God’s love who God made us?
God’s love is a very, very fierce love.
God’s love doesn’t make sense to me. (But what sense do I really have…I keep saying, “Cuckoo for cocoa puffs!”)
God’s love provides security for my insecurity.
Security breeds honesty.
Security breeds identity.
Security breeds an acceptance of self…and others.
Have you ever struggled with insecurity? Are you Cuckoo for cocoa puffs? 
