ENCOURAGED IN HEART

I don’t know about you, but I am totally psyched for the royal wedding.

There’s just something about a commoner (whose not common wardrobe retails higher than my home!) being plucked out of common life and transplanted into royalty. It’s just so, hummm… I dunno,

Awesome…

Fantastic…

Lovely… (the Brits say that word more than I say coffee.)

Inspiring…

Jealously producing…

Come on, admit it. Having a “staff” that handles your daily calendar, logistics, security, driving, cleaning, cooking and such sounds like a pretty sweet deal. The staff in your home is most likely YOU.

Yesterday, I finished reading the book, Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst with a small group of wonderful women. I wanted to share something I wrote to them, with you.

It’s about marriage.

I started this blog in 2008 because of my food addiction. I’ve always been a food addict, but it was a turning point in my life because I faced it and blogged about it where I did a Weekly Weigh-In. I know that many of you joined EIH, because you have also struggled with food. I blogged then, read Crave and am writing now, three years later, because I still struggle with food. Food still has a powerful pull on me. Breaking habits and thoughts and ideas and relations to food takes t-i-m-e.

Back to what I wrote to the Crave gals…

I’ve made a choice to be married to a balanced and healthy physical body…and that I’m never going back.

They’ll be ups and downs with good ol’ Lucy. I won’t do it all perfect. God never asked for perfection. He’s just asked for an earnest heart.

This month I’ve traveled 3 pounds above goal weight and may or may not be blinging out this month. But the sweet spot of “marriage” is that I’m not going nuts about it. I’m not “filing for divorce”. No, I’m staying married and riding it out.

Staff or no staff, when you’re married there’s a commitment of forever attached to that choice. Sometimes, the thought of forever can see like a really, really long time.

It is.

The maintenance part of marriage is necessary. Period.

How’s that for a ho-hum kinda excitement?

Maintenance is like marriage. It’s the anti-wedding day. There’s not a whole lot of linen napkins and fancy, fancy with everyone in their Sunday bests. The toilet seats get put down and the cute litte quirk is still well, cute…not obnoxious. The wedding day is not real life marriage. The wedding day is more idealistic than realistic.

Idealistic and realistic meet at forever. Forever is the length of time that I’ve ideally and realistically determined that I want to love and live for God. If that means counting Weight Watcher’s Points Plus for the rest of my life to stay healthy, I consider that a rather small price to stay married to healthy for my King.

The royal wedding. Have you caught the craze? Where are you at in your healthy living? Single, dating, engaged, married, divorced, re-married?

I want to encourage you today with one of the most profound statements in Lysa’s book. “I’m on a journey with Jesus to learn the fine art of self-discipline for the purpose of holiness.”

Holiness sounds rather regal to me.

Happy Valentine’s Day from the Finks!

Well, this blogcast was planned to be videoed and published this morning, before church.  Then, low and behold – an argument, a monstrous argument occurred. Blech.

It’s not easy to act nice, let alone do a blogcast on loving your spouse, when you’re mad at em’. Dave and I don’t ever want to be hypocrites.

So we waited.

And went to church.

Pastor Kent preached on marriage.

We don’t believe in coincidences.

During the sermon, I reached out to hold Dave’s arm, he withdrew.

At prayer time, Dave reached out to hold my hand and pray, I didn’t squeeze back.

We ate a chilly lunch at Subway.

We came home and, at times tearfully, talked it out.

Know how it ended?

In a huge hug with a commitment to keep “keeping on” for each other because we love each other so much.

We’ve learned from our past, and continue to learn and study one another, because we’re each (now) a favorite subject to study. That’s why we know we’re not hypocrites, because we’re doing what I’m typing.

I write this to let you know, if you argue/disagree/whatever you call it with your spouse, you’re not alone.
Getting married is easy; staying married…that’s where the hard work comes in. Dave and I are committed to studying each other and great resources. We are students of one another and have needed to do homework. Homework in the school of love, a school that never takes breaks.

Here’s a list of some homework that has helped us keep educated:

1) Moments Together For Couples by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. We’ve read this devotional together at night, before bedtime.

2) Both “I Still Do” and “Weekend to Remember” are sponsored by Family Life. They are great conferences to attend no matter whether your marriage is on the Honor Roll or in Detention.

3) Marriage Today has tons of great resources. Since we’re partners with them, they send us a monthly CD/DVD for free! The Finkster listens to them on his work commute, I listen to them while on the elliptical or cooking.

4.) Praying together…often.

5.) Laugh Your Way To A Better Marriage. We did this as group small group – it was fun and educational.

6.) Daily private times with God. (God guides us with what to say, or more appropriately, what NOT to say when we’re happy, fighting or watching a WVU Mountaineer game which would be nothing…say NOTHING while the game’s on!)

7.) The Love Dare The Finkster read and did this one.

8.) The Power of A Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian For obvious reasons (that the Finkster is not a wife), I read this. If you can get through the first chapter (gulp) than you can make it through the entire book!

9.) Intimate Issues by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus I read this book with my friends, Jen and Val. (We first got permission from our spouses as to what they felt comfortable for us gals to talk about as the book focuses on God’s view of sex.)

10.) Watch the Fireproof movie together. We went to go see this movie with our dear friends and fellow firefighter TJ and Jo. We did dinner before and was a great couples night out!

We know Valentines is just about done. But thankfully your and my marriages aren’t. Dave and I both believed that someone on the world wide web needed this post, and the enemy ain’t gonna “win” here – no ma’am, not tonight and not after all we’ve been through. We almost handed our marriage over on a silver platter nine years ago; But God…

We believe someone needs this blogcast and that’s why we’re going to finish and publish before the day is done…at a time when both my big hair and energy are wilted. Humph.

Keep on working, and studying your spouse and don’t quit!

What’s one thing you’ve done that’s helped your marriage get on the “Honor Roll”?

The Baker’s Dozen!

What is it with me and the food references anyway?

Yup that’s what the Finkster and I celebrated this past weekend…the big bakers dozen, 13 years of marriage!

That’s my honey and I before our “hot date” Saturday night. (FYI: Fink definition of “hot date” = anywhere alone with my honey!)

It’d be easy to lie and say its been 13 years of utter bliss.

But that hasn’t been the case.

All of year four and some of year five STUNK. Bad. In fact, it was the darkest time in my life. I’ll tell ya one thing though, I sure am a grateful gal today. And now the wisest marriage advice I received when I was a young bride were captured in just two words…”IT’S WORK.” (Well, I guess that it’s three words because “it’s” is a contraction of it and is…) focus Steph… It’s true.

Want to keep your current job?

Work hard.

Want to get good grades?

Work hard.

Want a great marriage?

Work hard.

There is just one reason we’re not just married, but happily married today.

God. He shows Dave and I where exactly we need to “work hard” at.

If you have a drafty window, how to you make it stop? Find the crack and caulk that sucker up!

Dave and I didn’t know we had cracks in our marriage. We knew we were struggling, but didn’t know “why”? God sure did and He’s been faithful to show us where. Then comes the “hard work” part of caulking them up.

Milestones make me get reflective. As I journaled this morning, God showed so many cracks that He’s guided us to fill. We love an awesome God! These were the top three and I’d like to share them with you:

1. Priorities.
A big crack identified to Dave via his previous Men’s small group. It went like this, “Babe, at small group today the guys were talking about priorities. Our priorities should follow this order: God, spouse, kids, then everything else.”

I was all like, “Huh?” as I white knuckled then baby Jake closer into my breasts with a look that clearly stated, “step away from the woman”.

I prioritized Jake over Dave…and it hurt our marriage.

Ugh.

The “caulking” began with home dates until I could grow up enough to trust a babysitter. Which after a lengthy vetting process…a CPR trained former nanny, whose full time job was a county dispatcher, fit the job description perfectly. Despite Edwina’s experience and resume, I still left two pages of typed notes. I still internally freaked out leaving baby Jake. And yes, I still get ripped on by that same dear friend when we remember those days AND those two pages of typed notes! Ah, good times…

2. Words.
Another big crack…this time God revealed to me during a morning private time. God corrected me on what and how I talked to Dave. And ladies, it wasn’t pretty. We’d fight and I’d say, “I’m over this marriage,” or, “I want out,” or the real kicker, “WHATEVER”. Gasp. This is my very best-est BFF in the whole wide world that I was talking to.

I didn’t build in security or respect (and oh how do the men NEED to feel that we respect them!) in the words I spoke or the manner I behaved toward Dave.

I began “caulking” before we argued, I sincerely apologized. I needed to add a large quantity of sincere gratitudes because of my years of damage. Now when we argue, I make a point to reinforce how much I love him and being married to him…it sure helps us make progress in the conversation instead of stalemating into all hours of the night (or morning!).

3. Money.
The last big crack God revealed to both of us…moohlah.

The crack of spending more than what we earned was becoming a huge stressful crack…more like a continental divide.

We began “caulking” by Dave getting his spreadsheet lovin’ self into drafting a budget and me ball parking rough numbers. We both agreed to be accountable to the then once monthly (now weekly) budget meeting. It took time, but WOW did God move.

We never thought that small group participation, disciplined private time, speaking and spending could save our marriage …but God…He showed up powerfully each step of the way and it was His love that directed how, where and when to get caulking.

Which reminds me of even more “baker’s dozens”… 1 Corinthians Bakers Dozen:Bakers Dozen to be exact:

…But the greatest of these is love. (aka: 1 Corinthians 13:13) NIV

God corrects those He loves, and girl, He loves us all. I wanted to post this today to encourage you that no matter where you’re at in your marriage…keep seeking God and do the hard work. He’ll restore joy and a deeper love if you let Him! I don’t just love Dave, I adore him! God worked a miracle in our marriage and I’ll never forget it. He did it for us and if you’re in a bad way in your marriage, stop, pray and ask God the difficult question, “Where are there leaks in my marriage?” Then work hard!

Here we are on our actual anniversary day, with the guys at McD’s!